A beginner checklist for placing your first novelty order

Before you place a first novelty order, going through a preparation checklist saves you from the friction that most first-time buyers run into. This is what I wish I'd done before my first order.

• Photo: Take it before you need it, not during the ordering session. Plain white background, even frontal lighting, no shadows, face centered, eyes open, no glasses. Save the file as JPEG under 2MB. Test that it looks right before you're sitting on a vendor site with a timer running.
• Email: Create a dedicated address you'll use only for this. ProtonMail or Tutanota, registered without connecting it to your real identity. Use this address for vendor registration, not your primary email.
• Crypto wallet: Have Monero or Bitcoin ready before you hit the order page. Don't start an order and then scramble to buy and send crypto — vendor invoice timers expire. If you're using Monero, send it to a self-custody wallet first rather than directly from an exchange.
• Delivery address: Know where you're receiving the package before you order. A PO box or a work address you trust is safer than using your home address for a first order with an unfamiliar vendor.
• State research: Look for recent reviews of your specific target state from your specific target vendor. General vendor quality reputation is less useful than a review from someone who received the same state you're ordering in the past ninety days.
• Timeline expectations: Build in three to four weeks minimum from order date to delivery for standard international shipping. Don't order when you need something by a specific near-term date. Pressure makes the wait feel longer and doesn't make the package arrive faster.

Two things to decide before you order: how you'll handle a potential customs delay, and whether you'll contact support or wait if the order sits at one status for longer than expected. Having a plan for those scenarios before they happen is better than deciding under stress while watching an unchanging tracking page.